Under Pressure

As a full-time single mom working over 50 hours a week, I faced enormous stress when my dad fell seriously ill. Balancing his care, my teenage daughter's needs, and my job required creativity. I used my vacation time for caregiving duties—managing appointments, emergency trips, shopping, meal prep, and finances for both households, while serving my community. Quality time with family and personal recharge were sacrificed. Constantly split between work and family, I struggled to be fully present in any moment.

When my responsibilities felt overwhelming, I often withdrew to recharge. During these moments, I would concentrate on my needs and look for ways to integrate them into my daily routine. Surprisingly, I discovered a stable rhythm during the Covid-19 shutdown. That period away from the world was beneficial for me. I didn't have to worry about not fulfilling my duties as a good friend, going out to network more, or planning events that catered to every personality. With everything closed, I could take a break as well.

When the world reopened, the pressures felt more intense than ever. People suddenly wanted to gather more than I could handle. It was painful to see their disappointment, especially when I was focused on prioritizing the most urgent and meaningful needs. I silently appreciated friends who understood that my friendship remained strong, even if I couldn't spend much time with them. While offers of help were welcomed, there wasn't much anyone could do. I was managing fine on my own; I just wished the pressure to find extra time for others would ease. I started to resent every invitation because saying no was difficult, and I felt that those asking knew I was already overwhelmed, making the request itself stressful.

At the same time, I felt isolated. Yet, I couldn't tell if I longed for the company of others that was out of reach or if it was just the feeling of disapproval and waning friendships. I think I simply wanted understanding and love. I wished to be appreciated even when I couldn't contribute or lacked the ability to provide support. To those who never made me feel guilty and checked in regardless of expectations...thank you.

Who else has experienced these waves of inadequacy? Who else has discovered the value of friendships without the constraints of time or availability? Is it wrong to hope that more people would understand and stand by me emotionally? It seems reasonable to me, as I know I would be that kind of friend for them and would commend them for dedicating their energy to those in need, knowing that if I truly needed them, they'd be there...just as I would be in a time of true need. I hope you have those friends who offer unconditional support and understand you well enough to realize that you're simply busy, not indifferent.